Archives for category: Respect Mutual.

Un excelent articol de pe blogul Simonei Tache mi-a readus aminte un episod din adolescenta mea.
Cineva apropiat mie a trecut printr-o etapa destul de tumultoasa a vietii – Sinistra sotie a Odiosului dictator ordonase o restructurare care a dat peste cap viata a foarte multor oameni, numai ca in perioada aia nu prea iti venea sa ceri ajutor in situatii de genul asta. S-a lasat cu manifestari psihosomatice si abia atunci s-a dus la doctor. Tratamentul somatic a reusit, partea psihologica/psihiatrica s-a rezolvat in timp numai ca medicatia pentru inima, destul de ’empirica’ pe vremea aia, i-a dat tot organismul peste cap iar rezultatele s-au vazut abia peste douazeci de ani.

Comentariile de pe blog mi-au intarit impresia pe care o aveam deja cu privire la faptul ca depresia este o boala cu puternice conotatii sociale. Mai sunt si altele numai ca aceasta are o dubla determinare.
Pe de o parte tendintele depresive pot fi accentuate in cursul sau din cauza relatiilor stabilite cu cei din jurul persoanei potential depresive iar apoi, dupa ce depresia s-a instalat deja, chiar si atitudinea fata de noua situatie este modulata tot de reactia celor din jur. Mai apropiati sau chiar mai departati.

Nu, nu vreau sa fac pe nimeni vinovat de nimic.
Tot ce imi doresc este ca ‘apartinatorii’ sa se gandeasca si la nevoile reale ale persoanelor (potential) depresive, nu doar la fobiile lor personale: ‘ce-o sa zica lumea daca o sa se afle ca sotia/sotul/copii/parintii mei s-au dus la psihiatru’?
Tot asa mi-as dori ca oamenii sa-si tina multe dintre judecatile de valoare pentru ei. Sau, si mai bine, sa nu le faca deloc daca nu este nevoie imperioasa de ele si, in nici un caz, inainte de a strange suficiente informatii pentru ca judecata sa poata fi facuta macar intr-o relativa cunostinta de cauza.
Asa ar fi evitate foarte multe dintre ‘frecusurile’ cotidiene care, chiar daca nu se datoreaza rautatii intentionate a cuiva, produc atata tensiune si nefericire celor care, pur si simplu, se intampla sa ‘cada la mijloc’.

Am fost cu depresia atat la psiholog cat si la psihiatru” – http://www.simonatache.ro/2015/05/15/am-fost-cu-depresia-atat-la-psiholog-cat-si-la-psihiatru/

“To judge or not to judge, that is the questionhttps://nicichiarasa.wordpress.com/2015/05/02/to-judge-or-not-to-judge-is-this-a-real-question/

So.

A not careful enough mother ‘blackmails’ a hot meal  (normally reserved for the first class but she payed for it) out of a rather reluctant stewardess for her autistic daughter and a somewhat rigid pilot – but who acted completely within the limits of pertinent regulations) – lands the plane in the middle of the flight and has the family deplaned. All in the name of ‘safety for the rest of the passengers’ – who didn’t felt threatened, at any moment.

So what’s the big deal?
The mother should have brought along some food for her child or made sure in advance that she could order food inflight and nothing would have happened.
The stewardess could have taken it as an emergency instead of harshly judging the mother of an unfortunate child.
Or the pilot could have acted a little more considerately towards the very passengers whose safety he was so preoccupied about and continued the flight – if we are to take at face value the situation described in the article at no moment any of the passengers had been in any real danger. (The ‘obtrusive’ mother could have been ‘charged’ at the destination as well if the pilot really felt that she had to be given a lesson.)

What I’m trying to suggest here is that a lot of the unpleasant consequences experienced by the ‘innocent bystanders – a planeload of people loosing at least an hour of their lives, if not more, and UA footing the bill for a lot of additional fuel – could have easily been avoided if at least one of the three people involved – mother, pilot or the stewardess – would have acted just a little differently.

But the picture is even more complicated than that. To understand what I mean click on the picture above and jump to the comments section. It’s amazing how people who have not been there are so easily willing to pass definitive judgement about what had happened so far away from them and to apportion precise amounts of blame to the parties involved. It doesn’t matter which side they choose, I’m just amazed at their willingness to judge so easily a rather delicate situation, based exclusively on a sketchy report published by a reporter who wasn’t even there when the incident took place.

Exactly this fact, that modern people tend to jump, head on, to conclusion even without having access to a lot of the pertinent details does not bode well for our future.
Following ‘procedures’ – and giving up thinking with our own heads – is indeed easier but it somehow demotes us from the status of wise (sapiens) humans to that of disciplined (impulsive) apes.

And no, ‘disciplined’ is not that far away from ‘impulsive’. You see, ‘procedures’ are structured instructions devised, by some instance who doesn’t have much trust in those who get to apply the instructions, to be followed exactly in those circumstances when the judgement of the operators has been found unreliable by the those who came up with the idea of procedures in the first place.
In their turn, the operators – realizing that no matter what they’ll do their judgement will be second guessed – no longer take their time to carefully consider the situations and determine what procedure would be appropriate . They just apply the first pertinent procedure that comes to their mind and hope for the best. This way they unload faster the psychological burden felt by anyone who is compelled to make a controversial decision – hence both the impulsiveness and the desire to conform to the rules. The fact that the spectators have no qualms to pass judgement based on the scantiest information only adds to the pressure felt by the people who are liable to be judged. Besides the need to solve the current situation and the angst about the outcome now the ‘performers’ have to deal with what, and how intense, the public reaction will be. Knowing that most of the time the public is less than sympathetic doesn’t help things.

And if we add the fact that the public seems to favor ‘decisive’ action versus more ‘inclusive’ measures (which are perceived  as ‘wishy washy’) we start to understand why the contemporary world has become way more polarized than it used to be.

Who loses?
At first glance ‘the innocent bystanders’ – those who happened to be caught close enough to the action as to be directly affected by the interaction between the active parties.

But if we distance ourselves a little bit and take a closer look at the whole business we might arrive to a different conclusion.

Contemporary world has become so complex and is moving so rapidly that each of us is simultaneously involved in many situations, playing various roles. In some of them we are the active participants, in others we are just caught in the middle – as ‘innocent bystanders’ – and we learn about a lot more others from the media – as ‘distant but abetting spectators’, as in this case.

And it’s in front of the telly that we contribute the most to what’s going on.
This sounds strange, isn’t it?
When are ‘actively participating’ we don’t have much time to reflect about what is going on – so we act according to the prevailing social norms. In fact according to ‘the procedures’.
The whole thing usually starts when we innocently suffer the consequences of others behaving ‘abruptly’: we convince ourselves about the need to take our lives into our own hands and to never again allow others to prevail over us.
We usually exercise this new found resolve as spectators – our most common situation nowadays – only in that instance we are far from the actual action and not directly affected nor command much information about the whole thing so we consider the situation in a detached manner and without having enough information about the matter.
Even more, here, ‘in front of the telly’, instances are succeeding so fast that we don’t have time to at least consider each of them carefully. Hence our rather abrupt calls. After all why bother to analyze them in any depth? We don’t intimately know the persons involved nor do we have comprehensive information about each case…

This is how we set the stage for future abruptness. By allowing ourselves to pass fast – and rather inconsiderate – judgments about everything we effectively condition ourselves to a ‘black and white’ attitude towards the world. Small wonder then that we act so ‘decisively’ when we are involved as ‘active participants’ and even smaller that we have to suffer the consequences of the so much abruptness that is going on around us.

Don’t blame ‘procedures’ for that. In fact they are almost natural.
Reflexes, both those that are ingrained in us and those we learn during our life time are nothing else but Mother Nature’s way of doing things easier for us but none the less ‘procedures’.
Cultural norms are also ‘procedures’ only they have been adopted before the concept was coined and the term itself invented.

Only we can do something about this. It’s us who suffer the consequences so we need to take time and consider a lot more carefully before passing judgement. Or, even better, pass the ‘opportunity’, specially so if we don’t really need to.

Finally someone who got it right!

Children are born to us, their parents, and government is populated with regular people, just like you and me. Even more so, in a democracy they are supposed to do as we, the voters/tax payers, tell them to.

Just as parents bear the ultimate responsibility for the upbringing their children receive so we, the people, bear the ultimate responsibility for the way we are treated by our governments.

And just as responsible parents teach their children how to drink, how to drive and how to keep these two things wide apart, it is our responsibility to constantly teach our politicians how to behave.

People glimpse fragments from the surrounding reality and then use their newly found understanding to gradually change it.
They do this in three, successive, steps.
The first has a lot to do with happenstance – the right man at the right place, the second involves a lot of ‘due diligence’ and the third depends very much on how those who end up in command of the new understating relate to the rest of the people.
Sometimes some of the people who ‘happen’ to ‘stumble’ on new information/experience something really new feel the urge to communicate to others what has happened to them.
Usually the information gleaned/sentiments experienced during this first step are so new that there are no socially sanctioned symbols that can represent them faithfully so the individual trying to communicate the entire experience has to find a novel way to make it understandable for those around him. This is art.
The second step has less to do with actual discovery and is more about systematization of information already at our disposal. Something like charting a newly discovered territory. Even if we have to adapt our existing tools to the new task – some of them had been discovered during the first step but that means they are already here when we start the second one, here the job to be done is more about reason than inspiration. This is science.
And now, that new information is available – even before it was widely disseminated – people start to use it. Some of it is used straight away/as it is/honestly while some other is used to keep ‘the others’ in the dark or to alter their perceptions in order to fit the goals of the ‘user’/’entrepreneur’/spin doctor.
Usually this last way of using newly found understanding has perverse consequences. The ‘user’ becomes arrogant and starts to believe he has somehow become a (demi)God while the people kept in the dark/unwittingly exploited sooner or later become aware of what is going on – and sometimes express that in artistic ways.
At some point the equilibrium is regained, either through  a  a series of oscillations that ’embrace’ it – a revolution – or through small steps in the right direction – evolution.
(Usually, as the distance between a given state of facts and the perceived point of equilibrium becomes wider then people gradually loose hope in evolution and start to consider more revolutionary methods.)

A fact is just that, a mere fact.
An acknowledged fact asks for an interpretation, otherwise the human mind finds it hard to accept its very existence.

An interpretation that seems to make sense becomes an understanding and regardless of that understanding being right or wrong it generates a belief.
Until that understanding is proven wrong and even then… eventually a new understanding is generated and, in its turn, it leads to a new belief.

That’s why we should indeed reserve the right Patton Oswalt speaks about and then use it sparingly, only when other believers tries to forcefully impose their beliefs on us.

In fact Oswalt is right. We don’t have to respect other people’s beliefs, only their right to have their own beliefs.

So what’s new…

Not so fast. There is more to it than the classic complaints – that high taxes discourage the working people while government hand-outs, made possible by those taxes, encourage the lazy to stay home.
If taxes are collected evenly – from all those that should pay them – and distributed sparingly – only to those who really need those hand-outs – nobody feels cheated so no disincentive is felt.

There is a more malignant phenomenon at work here. If taxes are really high – as a percentage – then being able to not pay them becomes a huge competitive advantage.

Not paying becomes attractive only after you are due a certain amount of money – you have to hire a tax consultant, pay some fees and commissions, etc. – but once you belong in that league not paying becomes a huge advantage over your competition. For instance over your competitors that are smaller and who won’t gain as much, or anything at all, by doing the same thing as you do.

And this is why the market becomes so polarized, why some of the really big brass do not push, in earnest, towards fiscal discipline and how the middle class gets squeezed out.

One can be a genuine expert in ‘something’ – and be able to explain in very few words that ‘something’ to any layperson with a functional brain, or an expert in bull-shit, one that is able to speak for ever about anything under this sun, without ever uttering a single interesting word about anything.

Three questioned bothered me while watching this:
– What drove that crow to behave like this? Who was bored to death, the crow itself or the small devil that seemed to poses it?
– Why is it that so many of us think this is funny? (I couldn’t stop laughing myself!)
– When is it that a photographer should stop shooting images that might interest (or not) some future viewers and help those who were, involuntarily, ‘modeling’ for him?

Yeah, I know, it would have been rather strange to see a man defending a dog against a crow… and sometimes it is impossible to help everybody, specially during a war or a major crises… but…

Maybe we, the watchers, share some of the responsibility for what’s going on during our lifetime.

American political doctrine – rather voluntaristic if you ask me, despite it being already more that 200 years old – maintains that ‘separation of powers’ means that the three powers that need to be kept in balance – by carefully coding in the Constitution the role each of them has to perform – are the Executive, the Legislative and the Judiciary.

This arrangement proved to be resilient enough, otherwise it wouldn’t have survived for so long, despite it depending heavily on each of the teams involved performing their jobs with due diligence.

Watching a documentary about the coronation of Queen Elizabeth II – I just realized she’s been around for so long that the steamship that was christened in her honor, QE II, is already retired from service – I started to think that maybe things are a little different.

Farewell to the Forth

Sometimes after the ‘Recognition’, more precisely when she briefly curtsied in front of her subjects, it dawned on me that maybe those powers that need to balance themselves in order for the society as a whole to operate smoothly are the ever changing reality, tradition and will to change. Represented, of course, by the People, the Church and the Monarch.