The whole gamut

“Two idiots go on a fishing trip.
They rent all the equipment – the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
They spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their holiday, one of the men catches a fish.
As they’re driving home, they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says
“Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us $1,500?!?”
The other guy answers
“Wow! It’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!””

“On his evening walk Tony finds an ancient pottery bottle half buried in the silt down the river next to an old rusted-out van. Carefully examining the bottle, he notices that it still has a stopper in it, and there is some kind of writing etched around the neck of the bottle. Using his shirtsleeve, Tony gently begins to rub the mud from the bottle, to see if he can decipher the characters.
To his surprise, a thread of smoke oozes from around the stopper and the bottle begins to shake violently. With a sudden POP the stopper flies off and a genie appears before him, its arms folded in the traditional genie manner.
“Thank you for freeing me!” cries the genie. “I have been trapped in that bottle for over a thousand years!”
The genie continues “In return for releasing me, I will give you a reward of one million dollars. However, Tony, I must warn you, if you accept it, the person you loathe most in this world will get twice as much. Do you accept the reward with these terms?”
“Of course I’ll take it!” Tony replies with a smile “My family could use the money!””

“Every Friday night after work, Dave would fire up his barbeque on the shore of the lake and cook a venison steak.
All of Dave’s neighbours were Catholic and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on a Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks drifted over the neighbourhood and was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Dave, and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Dave attended Mass… and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said “You were born a Lutheran and raised a Lutheran but now you are a Catholic”.
Dave’s neighbours were relieved, until Friday night arrived and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighbourhood again.
The Priest was called immediately by the neighbours and he rushed over to Dave’s place clutching a rosary and was prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Dave, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted to it:
“You were born a deer, you were raised a deer, but now you are a rainbow trout“.”

“OK, I had a laugh. And your point is?”

If the first two were such idiots, where did their money come from?
If the guy who hates his family is wise enough to accept the genie’s offer, what is it that still makes the rest of us to actually kill each-other?

“And the third joke? What hidden meaning do you have for that one?”

“A turkey was chatting with a bull.
“I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy”.
“Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients”.
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.”